Friday, September 11, 2009
This summer has been really rough for me. My headaches got out of control on more than one occasion landing us in the ER for treatment. My parents had to put their beloved (my sibling) lab down just a week past her 12 birthday- she is now cremated and sits in a beautiful box surrounded by fun memorable pictures on top of a curio cabinet in their living room. My mom had both of her knees replaced at the same time- this was when my headaches started to get out of control- when I was supposed to be helping take care of her I was ending up over at their home so my dad could take care of both of us. And then recently I had some of the really bad headaches that had caused me to go through a months worth of pills in 20 days; so it was decided that we would wean off of some of the pain meds, also because I had become suicidal again- one of the trips to the ER for pain control and anxiety control. This summer has been a downward spiral for me in trying to get off of meds, understand why people still love me and take care of me when all control is gone, when I just want to give it all up- everyone is still here for me. Sometimes that is the hardest part for me to understand- I know that I am loved I just sometimes can't see it or understand it.