A little disappointment and relief

Had a doctor appointment this morning- the OB/GYN. You see I haven't had a cycle in 3 months- no I had not taken a test myself for fear of disappoint. Well this morning it was confirmed, I am NOT pregnant. In a way this is a good thing for all the medications that I am taking, the finances that we have and some other details. I am somewhat disappointed that the test was negative, today is dh's birthday and this would have made a fabulous gift for him and our anniversary was Sunday as well as it was Father's Day- would have been wonderful belated gift for those. Instead we both got the answer that we I think thought we would, as to why I am not having cycles- still unknown, MD stated that if another 3 months go by and we aren't pg then he would give me some meds to start my cycle. We also talked about the IUD again, and have decided that this would be the best option for us at this point as it is not permanent. I still can't get the idea of not having children out of my head. I can't come to terms with this no matter how hard I try. Dh still wants a child, but doesn't want me to suffer through another loss- I don't want to go through another loss- the last one in December was difficult- they have all been difficult but I thought that after the last one we were finished, but I still want a baby. These feelings have gotten stronger since my cousin has gotten pg and as she gets closer to delivery. I don't know if it is realistic to keep this dream- but I just can't let it go, not yet.