Thursday, July 28, 2011

I Can't Take Much More Of This....

I am stressed out beyond being stressed out. This entire Summer has had something pretty much every weekend since June, and I have felt like complete shit pretty much every weekend and I don't know how much more I can take. I have done 2 SCA events, both feeling like crap-medicated for pain at both of them and one of them we had to come home in the middle of the night because I was sick. Why do I do these things, to make others around me happy. I feel guilty if I don't participate because I am told that people ask where I am, how do I feel- well after this last event where we left in the middle of the night and I was throwing up, maybe it will make a difference. I sometimes feel that people don't believe me, that they think that I just don't want to be there- trust me that is far from the truth. I miss spending time with my friends, I hate feeling the way that I do.
I just want a weekend with nothing planned, I want a clean house, laundry completely done, I want to spend time with my family just relaxing. My Mom has surgery next week- I am scared for her. I am trying to figure out my nursing license- go one way and hopefully everything stays the same, we pay $90 and I have my regular license. Go a different direction with several restrictions, but is only $25 and I get an Emeritus License, which is all well and fine except for some pretty huge restrictions- I CANNOT practice nursing while having this license, don't know what that does to first aid, but then that is another story altogether, and then when I am ready to get my full license back all I have to do is pay the fee, fill out the application and get a letter of competency to practice...that is the snag.
I just want this Summer to be over, no more SCA events for a while, hopefully business for Richard picks up and stressing over paying bills, medications, medical care, mortgage, utilities will all slow down, and hopefully what needs to slow down does so for a good reason, not because we can't just get an apartment (no credit) or somewhere where we can have our cats and our things. We have no where to go, I just want a vacation that I don't have to stress about. Our vacation next year, most likely isn't happening unless he won the lottery recently and forgot to tell me that everything is going to be alright.

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