Saturday, February 27, 2010
Well the journey continues....a few days ago I spent 7 hours in the ER for yet another migraine- trust me it was a blast- NOT! Anyway, I am now (have been since Friday night) on a regimen called a Headache Cocktail- it is a combination of 3 different meds; an antihistamine, a steroid and a muscle relaxer. Yeah it is a fun combo- I am on this for a total of 5 days to kick this cycle of migraine- I see my pain specialist on Thursday. So this is my fun 'high' life until Wednesday.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Well in trying to conquer my increasing depression (my Lithium was decreased last month because that was thought to be the cause) my psychiatrist decided to go the opposite direction- my Lithium has been increased again- so instead of taking 450mg once a day I know will take 900mg total a day and get back with my MD in a week to see how things are going. I hate taking pills- the increase runs the fabulous risk of increasing my migraines, which I already have on a daily basis as it is- so how much worse can it get?
Monday, February 1, 2010
Just realized 10 days and it will be 3 years since we lost little mouse. I have been thinking about how our lives have changed over the last 5 years- dh and I had a talk and he thinks that I should be able to move on by now- get on with my life. Trust me I have tried very hard to 'move on' but to be honest it is hard when my heart is shattered. I want to be happy, I want to think about my life and be happy with what I have accomplished- I should be proud- but all I can think of is what I have lost, what I will never have. I feel like I have let my family down- I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about any of this because I feel guilty that I have this much pain- I don't want people to feel bad for me- I don't want them to feel guilty. One of my really good friends just told me that she is thinking of having a baby in the next year- and wants me to be a part of its life. When she told me this I had an overwhelming sense of jealously- and I don't want to be like that- I want to be happy for her, I am happy for her, really I am- but I want it and I can't. Dh says that I should talk to her to tell how I feel, but I feel like this is my problem- why should I make it hers. I don't want her to feel guilty, I know she told me because she is happy and wants me to be happy to. I just wish that time really did heal wounds- because right now I feel like it is a big lie- every time I think that something gets easier or better- I fall apart and feel like it happened yesterday. When does it get easier?