Changes and Decisions

Well my doctor's office finally got back with me regarding an estimate for a procedure that I need to have done. Part of the procedure will not be covered by my insurance until 2011, which really isn't a big deal as I wasn't planning to have the procedure done until after the 1st of the year. So now we have the estimate and it is really a lot less than I thought that it was going to be- now it is getting up the courage to do it. The procedure is one that I need to have done, we have talked about with my doctor for over a year and when I had my last issue with the cyst and the ER we again discussed it. The problem is that this procedure will in a sense throw me into surgical menopause which will also render me completely infertile. When we first discussed the procedure it seemed like something that would be so far away that I really didn't think about the repercussions of having this done- I really thought about when a few months ago we were in the office having another ultrasound and my doctor asked what our plans for trying for a family was for the next 1, 2, or 3 years were- I reluctantly and tearfully answered that we were done trying. He sat down with us and explained what needed to be done in order to stop the cysts, take care of the endometriosis and the painful, heavy cycles- but in doing so we will be completely ending any chance of having a family in the future.

Knowing all of this it has taken me 3-4 months to finally call the office to get the financial information. They wanted to know if I wanted to set up a pre-op appointment and of course I backed out of this telling them I will call them after the first of the year to schedule an appointment. Richard wants me to know that he fully supports whatever decision I make- he just wants me to get with all of my girlfriends and let them know what is going on so that they can be there to support me. He is afraid that I am going to have this procedure done and then have a complete breakdown- which is a possibility- I don't want this to happen but it isn't always something I can control and this is taking a lot of control away. In my head and even to an extent in my heart- I know that we are done trying for a family- both now and in the future- but it scares me to know that this will be permanent and final.

The other problem is my coumadin- I have to go off of it prior to surgery and the last time we checked on going off of it for a procedure it was a great big process because I am on it to prevent blood clots- for that reason I guess I can't just go off of it for a few days prior to the procedure, no, I have to go back on the Lovenox(subQ injections) then stop the coumadin, stop the Lovenox the day prior to the procedure then re-start the Lovenox and the coumadin after the procedure then I am on the Lovenox until my coumadin levels are back to therapeutic levels- which this last time I re-started the coumadin it has taken over 6 months to finally get it back to therapeutic levels- where we have stayed for the last 4 months or so.

I guess my counselor and I will have a lot to talk about when I see her again on the 5th and then I see my psych the following week- so I guess I make my pre-op for the middle of January. Merry Christmas...