Monday, December 20, 2010

Holidays Are Here Again....

Yesterday was the 2nd Angelversary for Olivia Grace- I hate that the memories of 2 years ago are still so vivid and clear. To an extent I am happy that I have memories of her but then I also wish that they maybe weren't so present. We had our annual Yule gathering at Kris and Kim's house- a few people made comments that they knew the day was difficult for me and that they were thinking of us. My family also had their get together last night- we went to the gathering for Circle as it had been planned in November- my parents understood and agreed with our decision, I don't know how the rest of my family felt- probably won't find out either which is fine. I am actually glad that we weren't with the family gathering as all four of what I guess would be considered the great-grandkids were there- Alden is I believe 7, his sister Amelia will be 6 at the end of the month- Riley is 17 months and the newest member Layton is just over 2 months old. I am fine with Alden and Amelia- Riley is the one that I have trouble with as our last baby would have been a month younger than Riley- and I have never met Layton, so I don't know how I will react to him. When his mother announced that she was expecting and my Aunt also very enthusiastically announced that she was going to be Grandmother- I didn't handle myself as well as I would have liked too, but the announcement was also made as we were all gathering to go to the church for my Uncle's funeral. I pretty much avoided her during her pregnancy, which really wasn't that difficult actually as for whatever reason we really don't have a relationship.
Anyway, we got our tree up (a few weeks ago), Richard put the lights on it and told me that it was my turn- well I finally got up the courage, energy, whatever you want to call it and we decorated the tree and the living room last Saturday. It does look pretty, I am glad that it is done. We also put out a few extra decorations that we have never used- about 10 years ago while on a trip to McCall we picked up a very cute Boyd's Bear's porcelain cookie plate and mug set- for Santa. We picked it out as something to put away- I had always tried not to buy anything that would be for children as I felt that it was bad luck to have it in the house. We decided to go ahead and get it as we decided that if we didn't get it now it probably wouldn't be available when we did have children. It has been wrapped in tissue paper and the bag from the store it was purchased from and stored in various different places over the years- sometime recently it was moved to my china cabinet where I also store my nice cookie sheets- Sunday (yesterday) when I went to get the cookie sheets I found the bag and unwrapped everything and lost it- Richard was out shoveling snow, so I brought the plate and mug out and placed it on a table decorated with family photos and special crocheted ornaments and decorations made by Richard's Grandma Rutha.
So far everything had been going okay until I was getting ready for our get together last night and had problems with my shoes, my skirt and a few other things and I had a huge panic attack, which I haven't done in a while. Richard helped calm me down and we went to the party and had a very nice time with our friends.
I found out this morning that we have been invited for Christmas Eve to my Aunt and Uncle's house- I don't know if any of their boys will be there- for the last few years that we have gotten together for Christmas Eve they have been elsewhere- so we'll see this year- it may be the first time I meet/see the new baby.
Still have to got Christmas shopping- hoping to do that tomorrow or Wednesday- yeah I know, nothing like waiting until the last minute- oh, well.

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