Happy Birthday Sweet Brierley

Happy 3rd Birthday Sweet Angel of Ours- Mommy and Daddy are thinking of you as we celebrate Grandma's Birthday- Forever my Angel and Forever my Baby you'll be.

Mom doing great!

Went and saw my Mom last night- she is doing great! She gets up with the walker and some assistance from the nursing staff. Today PT and OT are going to work with her and some steps- they have a step going into the house at the front door and the back door in the garage. She is up to 90° bend on the CPM and has gotten rid of most her tubes- she had one pain pump left that they were going to remove yesterday and her IV is just TKO (to keep [vein] open) so she should be getting rid of that soon too. She is in a good mood and really trying hard at her PT- I think that she is going to continue to do great! S0 hopefully she will go home earliest today, latest tomorrow. She has had great nurses taking care of her and the CNAs have been wonderful too- some of them I used to work with 5 years ago so it was good to see a friendly face and know that Mom was in good hands.

The In-laws are approaching.......

Yes, my MIL and FIL are coming for a visit- they will arrive sometime this afternoon/evening. The house is as clean as it is going to get because I am getting a headache and don't want it to get any worse. I haven't been able to go and see my Mom yet today because we have been trying to get the house ready- I am done, I want to go and see my Mom.

Surgery Update

Mom came through surgery great! She spent a night in the ICU per protocol and then was moved to her regular (huge) room up on the ortho floor yesterday afternoon. She got up once in the ICU and made a few steps but got really dizzy and nauseous, then yesterday afternoon she got up again and took a short walk with PT and then was able to get her legs back up in bed by herself- big feat considering that she had both knees replaced at the same time! Last night she had a rough spot it was discovered after pain got out of control- not happy that this happened- that her PCA had been placed on hold and not taken off- so she wasn't getting any pain meds when she pushed her button. She got up to a 10/10 on her pain so it took a lot of pain meds and time to get her back under control. Haven't talked to her yet this morning, don't think she will be going home today- none of us, including her think that she is ready to come home yet, maybe tomorrow or Monday.

For those that wanted to know she is in room 416 at Mercy.

Just thinking

I know that I said that I was somewhat relieved that the test came back negative- but still I think that I want what I can't have and it breaks my heart. When am I going to be able to come to terms with what my life has come too? When will I stop the tortuous dreaming of what I can't have, it only makes things worse. Last night dh and I talked about what might be someday and we both still have that dream- doesn't help that we both still want the same thing so badly. I have called the insurance to see if the IUD is covered, it is- but in a way I don't want to get it, I know it isn't permanent, but it feels like it is. Coming to terms with being childless isn't going so well- we both want a child so badly that it hurts and breaks my heart with what I can't give my husband or my parents. I feel broken and damaged that I can't do that one simple thing- why can't I do it?

No more alcohol......

Tonight I found out the hard way that my meds (I am guessing) and alcohol don't mix- AT ALL! You see, my family took dh and I out for dinner for dh's birthday and I had some peach hard lemonade with my dinner- all went well until about 5 minutes after eating.....luckily we were out the door of the restaurant- but in the backseat of my Dad's truck- I started to not feel so well and well things happened- everywhere, and I mean everywhere. Won't go into any further details as it is not very ladylike. Happy Birthday Honey.

A little disappointment and relief

Had a doctor appointment this morning- the OB/GYN. You see I haven't had a cycle in 3 months- no I had not taken a test myself for fear of disappoint. Well this morning it was confirmed, I am NOT pregnant. In a way this is a good thing for all the medications that I am taking, the finances that we have and some other details. I am somewhat disappointed that the test was negative, today is dh's birthday and this would have made a fabulous gift for him and our anniversary was Sunday as well as it was Father's Day- would have been wonderful belated gift for those. Instead we both got the answer that we I think thought we would, as to why I am not having cycles- still unknown, MD stated that if another 3 months go by and we aren't pg then he would give me some meds to start my cycle. We also talked about the IUD again, and have decided that this would be the best option for us at this point as it is not permanent. I still can't get the idea of not having children out of my head. I can't come to terms with this no matter how hard I try. Dh still wants a child, but doesn't want me to suffer through another loss- I don't want to go through another loss- the last one in December was difficult- they have all been difficult but I thought that after the last one we were finished, but I still want a baby. These feelings have gotten stronger since my cousin has gotten pg and as she gets closer to delivery. I don't know if it is realistic to keep this dream- but I just can't let it go, not yet.

Getting ready to go

Ham is done, needs to be sliced. Scotch Eggs done and packed in containers. Shortbread baked and in its containers. My clothes packed in the trunk. Bathing essentials packed. Name and Device paperwork packed. Foodstuffs ready to be packed into cooler. Tent ready to be packed back into its bags- interior walls- tapestries have holes in them to hang from hooks. Need to buy batteries for sheep- long story, hope to have pictures- we are taking 22 sheep with, not the entire 'herd' but the majority of it. Just remembered need to pack archery equipment- would be very disappointed to get there and not have it as there is a tourney on Friday that I am planning to participate in- go me. Also going to take a class on Saturday about Wimples and Veils- it is a make it and take it class, very excited about that as I have no veils anymore. Will again provide pictures. I can't wait, this is my first SCA trip in like 5 years, I am very excited!

The baking has started

Baking a ham today, will do scotch eggs when the ham is done in a couple of hours. Then tomorrow I will bake some shortbread.

Will also start packing, we leave Thursday morning for our big camping trip.

General Stuff

Went to archery practice last night- had a lot of fun, but started to get a little anxious towards the end- after we had been there for awhile and it was getting hot.

Met a new couple that seems really nice; she is borrowing some of my old garb- it is a little big on her but does fit and looks nice. They were here at the house until almost 11pm trying dh's mead and talking and such- made me anxious to have other people in the house, but I did okay for the most part.

Now waiting for Mom to come and get me so we can go to an early sale at Cabela's for Father's Day/dh's birthday- hoping to get him a new hammock for his stand. Wish me luck.

Back Home

Made it through the baby shower, we only stayed for about an hour or so- I was about done after that anyway. Watched my cousin open my gift and my parents- she was very gracious as I knew she would be; made a onesie at the party with an iron on, left before they started making babies out of play dough- didn't want to be doing that.

Went camping for 4 nights and 5 days, went fishing- caught two fish, mom caught one. It was a relaxing but cold trip, lows in the 30's highs in the 60's. Came home early as they are supposed to get nasty weather the rest of the week.

Have decided that cross-stitch will be for Christmas present, so can slow down on getting it done. Will have a name and date next month, but don't have to have it finished so less pressure now.

Can't think of anything else.

Baby Shower Anxiety

My cousin is having a baby shower that starts in about an hour and half. I had a melt down about it yesterday afternoon, and now today I am just feeling anxious. At first I was very excited about going to this event- went out and got books that would have been on our bookshelves- 'Goodnight Moon', 'Pat the Bunny', 'Guess How Much I Love You', 'Fish Kisses', 'The Wiggly Pig', and a special one that has an angel finger puppet with it that talks about how much the baby was wanted and loved. The last book is special because when both dh and I read it, it touched our hearts and made us think of our angels. 

I guess I have been thinking of my angels a lot the past few days and trying to keep it together because this is her special day. Only a few more hours and it will be done and then I will be camping for a week with my parents. Dh is returning home tomorrow morning/afternoon- I think that I am also anxious about this. Well this is life and I have to move somehow and sometime.

Names in the Sand

We haven't gotten Olivia's done yet but here are the others.