Saturday, March 14, 2009

Does he stop to think about me?

Last night dh I guess was trying to comfort me or something, when in the midst of it he told me he doesn't know how much more of all of this he can take- well excuse me that my breakdown's have become an interference in his life, but what about mine- has he ever stopped to think about how much more of this that I can take?! I hate feeling jealous, crying whenever I think about the pregnancy that isn't mine- the baby that will be here in August that isn't ours- the fact that we can't even ttc because of MY medications. Has he even stopped to think that about any of that- I am sorry that I am screwing up his life- no I don't do things during the day, no I don't want him to quit his new job to stay home and babysit me- thanks for that thought, I am adult, yes I have mental issues, but I don't need a freaking babysitter! I just need someone to listen to me, someone that cares about me, someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay even when I feel like it is not and feel like the world is ending and out to get me. That is all I need, is that too much to ask for- maybe it is. 


Shopgirl said...

My Dear Sweet Friend,
Men don't have the same feelings that we do. It is just how they are made. They tend to think in black and white...very little shades of gray. He knows you are hurting, he loves you, and I am sure you are on his mind constantly. I don't think to many men are patient when it comes to others. If they are well, the world is well. Illness can wear thin with a man, of course if they are sick, they are the biggest babies ever. With all that said, I understand, I think you know that I lost a full term baby and then a miscarriage, then my body seem to say no more babies, and the rest is history. But I was so messed up that I had a false pregnancy. I was sure that I had fallen in the pitts of hell. But I believe in rainbows, I believe that the flowers of my life were waiting, and I could not have know my future. Don't let the lack of children or the lose of a baby define who Sara is. You are many things to many people. I wish someone had known me well enough to have said just thoes words to me. Arney was like a rag doll most of the time, trying to find other ways to make me happy. So watch for the Rainbow in your life, be well and wait, God may have a plan and you have not felt it or seen it yet. I love you Sara, you are in my heart to stay.
Be well, Mary
My spelling is awful, just forgive this that I can't spell for beans.

Shopgirl said...

Where are you? I come by almost everyday and no Sara....I hope I haven't hurt you with my rabbing, I just want you to love you enough to be well and happy.
Love, mary