When is this going to stop?!

I am having my daily breakdown about this pregnancy and it isn't even mine- that is the point- it isn't mine, dammit. I don't know how I am going to react when I see my cousin, I don't want to breakdown in front of her- it's not her fault that I am broken and barren, it's not her fault that we can't even try to get pregnant. We are going to end up being the only set of cousins not having kids, and trust me it definitely isn't by choice- I hate my body, why has it betrayed us like this, what did we do?