Thursday, March 26, 2009
I received an assignment from my counselor yesterday- we talked about jealously and envy. I am starting to feel less jealous about Jill's pregnancy, but I still envy her- I want so much to be happy and to say that everything is great and happy everywhere, but I am so afraid of the questions that are going to start. The questions that up until now we had both been dodging- she was better at it than I was, she could always get the subject changed quickly away from starting families to something less personal- I don't know how to do that- I just breakdown even thinking of the dreaded question coming up- only my parents know about the losses we have suffered, and I guess one aunt that my mom has talked to- but most of the family has no clue- I don't want them feeling sorry for me or thinking that they have to be careful around me because I am unstable. I admit that I envy what Jill has- I want what she has- I am trying to get over it and face it, but it is hard.