Collection shrinking

Well we are giving up the counselor for financial reasons- the initial visit was outrageous and we still don't know if insurance is even going to cover any of it anyway. They are trying to get out covering my psych visits as it is. So my collection of docs is shrinking, yes I probably do need the counselor, but there just isn't any way to pay for her, so that is that. 

We are still waiting to hear back about my disability from the state, and that is making me nervous. Some days I feel like I could go back to work and then that fleeting moment leads into a panic attack that totally freaks me and makes me feel completely inadequate that I can't help my family, my dh goes to work everyday and works his ass off and what do I do?! I am just a crazy freak that can't help. What has happened to my life?! I hate this, all I want is my life back and I don't think that that is going to happen any time soon and I don't know why- what did I do to deserve this?!