Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Well the party is finally over, well it was over 4 days ago and I am still recovering- no I drank nothing but tea and punch and there was nothing strange in either of those!
Remind me to never have a party again- mental illness and people/friends that don't understand that can massively overly stimulate- so now I am on a major depressive spiral that I can't seem to get out of and it sucks- I literally spent the majority of Sunday sleeping, Monday crying and slept 90% of yesterday...today is a wait and see as it is still early- I am not yet motivated to do anything- tomorrow I see Ms. Shrink so we'll have a lot to talk about as this is the first time this has happened since being on my new medication at this strength.
I am supposed to go on a mini-roadtrip (day trip) with this group the beginning of October and now I am very nervous about doing that, only 2 people out of the 8 have seen me have a full breakdown- the others completely missed the beginnings of the one I started to have Saturday because they were so wrapped up in what they were doing themselves. No I don't expected others to babysit me, but I had hoped that my friends would recognize that I was beginning to become completely exhausted and realize that party time was over and it was time to go home without my mom having to say so.
I hate being in this funk, but I don't know how to get out- one of my friends came over Monday and took me out for a few hours and it felt great, but then afterwards it was right back to where I am now. It makes me nervous and scared. No I am not on the verge of doing something stupid, but every time I get to this point it takes longer and longer to get back to 'normal' or is this my normal- if so I don't like it.